i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
