And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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