barbara walters just said penis...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
