i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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