1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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