Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
