it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
