The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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