There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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