what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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