Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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