One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
