I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
