i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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