He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
