I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
