Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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