VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
