as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
