it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
