Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
