I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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