good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
