Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
