i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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