I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
