No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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