I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
