I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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