You're so nebulous sometimes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
