I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
