I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have post one night stand depression
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
