I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
