This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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