Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
