You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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