Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is my gift to your gina
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
