No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
