I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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