Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
