So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
