I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My hand turned me down
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
