the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
