do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
