I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
