you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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