addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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