Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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