Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
