That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
