Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
