went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
