im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
