bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
