had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
