i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
