i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
