I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
