i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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