Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
