I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
