I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
